Moving Day, Job, and other observations

    So we finally moved into our new apartment. I thought I was going to hate it. After the brief look at it we got when we saw it in June, filled with the old tenant's stuff, made me have a bad feeling about it. But once we got our own stuff in and unpacked, I actually love it. Its a 320 sq ft studio with a little balcony. Its the perfect size. We try to live modestly and minimally, its harder for me than for Adam. We've got extra stuff in the storage locker in the basement or else I don't know what we would have done. We made 3 trips to IKEA, each time carrying a big box back on the train with shelving units and dressers to build, among other things. Before this, the only furniture we owned was a bed, a kitchen table, and a small twin sized futon. Our French apt was furnished.

     The move-in process was a slight disaster though. We met at the apartment on a Thursday, the 15th, to get the keys and do an "etat de lieu" (walkthrough) with the previous tenant and the apartment building agency. Upon entering the room I immediately sensed tension in the air and could tell the previous tenant and the apt agency guy were having some sort of disagreement. Apparently she paid the whole month of September on accident and wants half the month back, since shes moving out the 15th. Understandable. Well the apartment guy says something about not being notified, they cant get her money back for some reason, she didn't notify them, she says she called for the past 3 weeks, its all in rapid french spoken by people with accents and i'm having a hard time understanding. This lady starts getting really angry and raising her voice. She's yelling that she won't give up the keys, because she hasn't gotten her money back, so shes not going anywhere until the end of September and we might as well leave because we're not moving in because shes not giving up the keys. He says that they will just change the locks if she wont give up the keys. They're going back and forth and I tell Adam we should go downstairs because I dont want to be a part of this. A few minutes later the agency guy comes down to review the walkthrough papers to sign, noting the crack in the tile and the holes in the wall, none of which I have seen to be able to verify because I was caught up in this arguement. Then the lady comes downstairs with a bloody hand, apparently she has hit the door trying to slam it or something. They have called the cops on her now. She starts yelling at us "Don't sign anything! this is a dishonest company! they were nice to me too at the beginning and now look, they will do the same to you! You'll see! Don't sign anything! you will benefit and I will lose!" 

     So we decided not to sign. One, because we didn't get to really walk through the apt ourselves. Two, I wasn't about to sign anything in front of her. We didn't know who to believe at that point. We were told a locksmith was on his way to change the locks right then. Luckily we had a few nights booked at a hotel and stayed there until the locks were changed, and the bathtub re-enamled, which they did 2 days late, so we had to wait to move in. So the process started on a Thursday, I spent my first night in the apt on Sunday. 
     Oh and she ended up giving the keys up and getting her money back that same night of the fiasco. But we still had the locks changed. Just in case

They have a very strict recycling system here. EVERYTHING must be sorted. paper, aluminum, plastic, and then the rest. You have to pay a special extra tax on the trash bags for everything else. Which makes you want to recycle because that's not an extra cost. I like it. I've always been big on recycling. Ask my parents how many times I yell at them for throwing away milk gallons and boxes, even wrapping paper at xmas.

They also have laundry schedules, we learned this when we looked at the other 17 apartments. Luckily, our building doesn't have one. I'm so relieved. In most buildings you get a specific time for laundry, for example, only on tuesdays. Or, even worse, every other tuesday, or only on tuesdays between 7am and 3pm. It would be annoying but I guess its nice to know there's a time where the washing machine is 100% yours, and you don't have to wait for other people.

Another interesting nurse fact I learned from my friend: They don't have to be CPR certified! WTF?! everyone gets it when they get a drivers licence, but you never have to re-do it, its optional. that doesn't make me feel very safe. Especially since every time I've taken it in the past 10 years, they change something. I can't keep it straight.

Oh my new job. My waitress job. I really like it. Its a small restaurant right on the lake at a marina. People pull up in their sailboat on the weekend, get lunch and head back out on the lake. The food is really good and I get free lunch every day. Its a small town and there's lots of regulars. Lots of nice people. The owner is the nicest guy ever. He's obsessed with classic American cars and shows me pictures of the 15 mustangs and Shelbys he's owned. I'm helping him plan his trip to California this winter. 

     Its good for my french practice. I speak it all day. Except when the occasional American or British customer comes. Which is more often than not in this region. Every Swiss person always asks me what my accent is. Where am I from? Sometimes I make them guess. Usually they guess right. Sometimes they think its British English (the american and british accents in french are pretty different) A few people have said German, one said Czech. Then the next question is almost always about the election. And I roll my eyes.  

     I've made a few language mistakes, ordered the wrong thing. Even though I repeat every single thing they order, some words are so similar and my accent makes them think I've said the right thing. Like once someone asked me for an ashtray, in french its cendrier (pronounced sahn-dree-ay). Well I thought she wanted a sangria, I repeated sahn-gree-ah? Oui, she said. I put down the sangria and she says "I didn't order this" and then picks up the ashtray and says "cendrier" and we all laughed and I probably turned a little red. 

     The best part is not having to worry about tips. I've read things before that are anti-tipping culture, and that the US needs to change and I never understood why it was bad. But now I do! It is soooo nice to be paid a real salary and not have to worry at every single table what my tip will be, aka my only income. Tipping isn't common in Europe, but this is a small town with generous customers and I get a tip about 70% of the time. but its minimal. its usually between 5-10% but I don't care. I appreciate the tip more now because I know they didn't have to do it and it means that they truly appreciated my service. And when I don't get a tip I don't care, because I'm making $21/hr. (keep in mind the cost of living here is outrageous so $21/hr is not the same as it is in the US)

     Food culture is different here, obviously, but i'm learning the differences more now. nobody likes ice cubes here, and when they do want some they just want 2 or 3. The owner had to tell me to stop filling the whole glass with ice.

      When you reserve a table it is yours all night. France too. and when all the tables are reserved we turn people away, because most people will sit at their reserved table all night. because a meal in Europe is never quick. A meal is a time to spend with friends and family and relax. People even come at 3pm, alone or with friends, order just a drink, as simple as a bottle of water, and just sit, for 1 or 2 hours, reading the paper or talking with friends. Its nice, slow, laid back. Not so hurried and rushed like in the US. 

     Speaking of water they usually only drink carbonated water here. You have to specifiy if you want still water. 

     They loooove their espresso. Everyone gets an espresso or coffee after a meal. Its just what you do. And usually dessert too. I had a table of 3 Americans and they didn't order any dessert or coffee and when the owner saw me give them the check he was like "what? they dont want coffee? no dessert?" I said "no they're american we don't really do that very often" People must think Adam and I are crazy when we go out to eat, we don't drink wine (another big thing here), we don't get coffee, we don't get dessert. Such weirdos. 

     Also, to them, normal apple juice is carbonated. I had no idea our apple juice at the restaurant was carbonated so when a mom asked if we had non-carbonated apple juice I said yes, because why would you have carbonated apple juice? I gave it to her kids and they drank it and made a funny face. She said "I thought it wasn't carbonated" I said I had no idea that it was. The next day someone asked the same thing, when I said it was carbonated she said "so its just normal apple juice." Apparently that's their normal. Strange to me.

Anyways. While I'm off facebook, just a break, just a couple months, I might still post in here so if you're interested check back every few weeks to see if I've found any more random observations or crazy stories to write about. That's what traveling is though, random cultural observations (my favorite) and the occasional minor crisis and annoyance. But I love it.

Cross Cultural Training

Yesterday Adam and I went had a meeting, organized by his company, with a lady from a company that does what is called Cross Cultural Training. It lasted 8 hours and it was just the 2 of us. Its designed to educate employees who have moved from abroad about their new culture, common dos and don'ts, guidelines for interaction with various people, etc. The lady giving the course has lived in the US and France and is very culturally conscious. I didn't know what to expect but ended up really enjoying it and learning a lot of useful tips. Some of it I like, some of it will take some getting used to. I think you will find all this pretty interesting too, and this is only a little bit of what we learned:

First she asked us what we wanted to learn about Swiss culture. We said one thing we wanted to know basic rules on how to interact with our future neighbors, is there a specific do and don't in these and other interactions? Because in the US, neighbors commonly greet the newbees with cookies or invite them over for coffee to introduce themselves, things like that. I said I wanted to know about relationships between doctors and nurses, and nurses and patients. Because what I'm used to, at least at Stanford, is while nurses, doctors, techs, and secretaries all have different roles, we all work together as a team on the same level, we all get along great and are even great friends outside of work too. 

The first response I got was, in a serious tone, "The Swiss are never friends with their co-workers. We do not understand this about Americans." She said the basic philosophy and cultural value behind this is a motto that says "If its not business, its my business" The Swiss are very private people and the line between business and personal life is very defined, whats considered "intimate" is anything that is not work related.  She said, in a business setting, you could work in the cubicle next to someone for years and not know if they have children, because that's personal life and not to be discussed at work. I smiled at this point, thinking to myself about all the extremely personal and inappropriate conversations that happen between 4 and 5 am at the nurses desk. I said that, in my years as a travel nurse and moving to cities where I knew no one, I relied on my job to provide me with friends and that it is very important to me to really get along with my co-workers since we spend so much time together. As a result, some of my very best friends today were my coworkers from travel nursing assignments. She said that, of course, in Switzerland you can like your coworkers and get along great, but you would not have any contact with them outside of work. This happens, from time to time, that a coworker develops into a great friend, on occasion she's been to a birthday/christmas party of a co-worker, but its not very common. She said I will have to find other means of making friends. 

Back to Swiss valuing their privacy and things they would consider "intimate." The Swiss home is considered intimate. Much different than American culture and might be hard for us to understand. You would never be invited into a Swiss person's home unless you are a very dear friend. And even if you were, the living room and dining room are the only areas of the house that are open to you. The kitchens in Swiss homes are separate, not open to the living room like many American homes, and it is considered an intimate area, not to be entered unless you are family. When living in the US, she was shocked and thought it absurd that when going to someones home for the first time, they would immediately take her for a tour of the whole house, even showing her the bedroom and bathroom, which in her mind should be very private.
The refrigerator is extremely personal. Opening the refrigerator of a Swiss is one of the rudest things you can do. She would only do this at her parents or siblings house. 
When invited to a Swiss home for a meal, it is more polite to NOT help the host clean the dishes, because doing so would require you going into their kitchen. It is more polite to sit and let to host clean themselves. 
When saying hello to a neighbor, wait until they have closed the door to their apartment. It is rude to say hello while their door is still open, because by saying hello with their open door, you are looking into their apartment and looking into their private life. 
She said if we ever invited a Swiss person into our home they would come out of politeness but would feel quite uncomfortable while there. They would be very touched at this gesture and would want to reciprocate but would never feel comfortable letting you into their home, so since they know of no way to equally reciprocate such a kind gesture, they will most likely just never talk to you again and avoid you.

She compared Swiss people to coconuts. Hard and not so pretty on the outside. really difficult to penetrate. But once you have it gets softer, and once you are all the way in its completely open. And you have complete trust and permission into the Swiss's personal life.

They are extremely punctual and schedule/time oriented. If a business meeting is to start at 9 am, it will start at 9 am, sharp. If you want to have the usual chitchat about the weather and your weekend beforehand, you must come 5-10 minutes early to do this. If it is supposed to end at 10 am it will end at 10 am. If it threatens to go past the scheduled end time, it must be mutually agreed on by everyone that its okay if the meeting will last 30 extra minutes, if not, they will schedule a time when it is convenient for everyone to finish the meeting. Being schedule oriented, they know that when a meeting goes over by 30 minutes, people might be inconvenienced because they will have other things on their schedule to do. Also, getting to a meeting or interview too early is also bad form. 5-10 minutes is okay, but any more and you will be seen as not knowing how to manage your time correctly, and if you can't manage your time correctly than how can you manage anything else? It could have huge implications on whether you get the job or not, even if the interview goes well otherwise. (I got to my interview 15 minutes early a few weeks ago... oops)

the Swiss also consider slowness as a virtue. Politics are slow, administration is slow, they believe if something is done slowly then it is sure to be done correctly. Quick means hasty and a possibility of mistakes. This comes into play with friendships, which is why, when meeting a new neighbor for instance, start with Bonjour and no more. they don't know you so will be very slow to want to get to know you.

After this information I now understand what was meant by the various French people who, after learning I was moving to Switzerland, would say "hmmm, the Swiss, well, they're not the French" 
In France it is very different. When it comes to friendships and privacy, it is much more like American culture. One of Adam's best friends is his French co-worker, who has invited us into his home many times, lets us cook in his kitchen, I've slept in his son's bed. The french are very warm and welcoming and we felt comfortable with all of them.

The other thing she discussed with us was the roller coaster of emotional stages related to moving to a different country. Adam has been through them all before, having already spent 3 years in France, and I felt them too in France, maybe more mildly though. She said at some point you will reach a stage of culture shock that can be very bad for some people, in a few cases it can lead to depression. This usually hits around the 3-6 month point. A realization that some of your very important cultural values do not align with the values of your new country and you must figure out how to cope with that. That we may wonder what we're doing here, what's the point, we just want to go home. She also said that throughout this entire roller coaster of emotions we will have little support from those at home, because nobody will get it. And we will really need each other. This is true, there have been a few times I've complained about things to someone and the response I get is "how can you complain, your living in France/Switzerland!" 

She mentioned that psychologists have identified the top 3 most stressful things a person can go through, and I remember this from nursing school too: 1. death of a loved one. 2. Separation/divorce. 3. moving. but they only studied people moving from one city to another within the same country. So moving from one country to another has got to come before 3!

People think living abroad is all sunshine and rainbows, and while there are a lot of cool things about it, (and the opportunity is such a cool and rare one that we are voluntarily going through the rough stuff) it is very, very difficult. When you have few or no friends, when the language is different, when the culture is not what you're used to, when the process of finding a job and just getting settled with anything is 10x harder because you're foreign and more documentation is required for everything, documentation that's not always easy to obtain, it wears you down. Its hard to stay motivated and positive. Forget the view of Lake Geneva and the Alps down the street, you want some normalcy every so often, normalcy that's not easy to find. My normalcy is with Adam (and an occasional trip to Starbucks). You want to see your friends and family but nobody can afford to fly to Europe or take time off work and you can't afford to keep going back to the US. People say they will visit you and you start looking forward to it, get really excited about it, and then life gets in the way and they can't come anymore. Scheduling phone dates with friends every few weeks instead of calling them whenever you feel like it. 

Apart from that, I actually love living in Europe, for the most part, I actually prefer the culture and lifestyle here much more than US culture and lifestyle. And, honestly, we're glad to be away from the US these days. According to the "cultural profile" I filled out yesterday the lady told me I am not American at all, I align much more with an Italian's profile actually, and that I might have a very difficult time re-assimilating back into American culture. I'm not sure if I believe this, but we'll see, I could see it being true to a degree, though. But we will come back some day, sooner than later. I don't want to be so far from my family, especially when little half-asian babies come along. I would feel guilty if I never came back. Plus, if I can't have the same job role and work life that I'm used to in the US, then I don't want to stay, because I LOVE my job. But the plan is to give it 2 years, for better or for worse, no matter what happens, to get the full experience and see how everything pans out. It may be difficult and there are days when I want to pull my hair out and scream when I find out about another obscure document I have to track down, but I can't give up just yet, I've barely started.

I'll end this with one thing this cultural training lady said to us, who has been doing this training for 15 years. She said that when the international move happens to a couple, all the stressful things that happen to the people individually and to them as a couple will really test their relationship, and if that couple comes out of it still strong, well that couple is meant to be for life. And I have no doubt that Adam and I will crush this Swiss experience together because there's nobody more meant for each other than we are.